Xbox Live – Declaring it the most cancerous thing since Halo: Reach’s Armor Lock, online sources reported that a gamer known only as xXxSiErRa117XxX has called for literally everyone to “shut the fuck up about Fortnite” and “go play another game”.
“I mean, it’s a solid game with a decent amount of content, but don’t people get tired of playing the same thing over and over?” said xXxSiErRa117XxX on Reddit, who has played more than 7000 matchmaking and custom games of Halo 3 since its launch on the Xbox 360 in 2007.
xXxSiErRa117XxX, who also cosplayed as a Hayabusa Spartan in 2008, went on to say “I don’t understand how people can feel so compelled to emulate this game IRL, what with the Fortnite dances and all.” It is worth noting that a quick investigation turned up a video of xXxSiErRa117XxX attempting to teabag other people in public.
“It’s seriously annoying how literally everyone can’t stop talking about Fortnite in some way, from the daily news to everyday conversations, as if Fortnite is the only thing in the world” lamented xXxSiEerRa117XxX, who fangirled so hard in 2007 upon encountering an advertisement, news report or conversation even remotely related to Halo 3.
“Like come on, I can’t even meet new people without them asking me if I play Fortnite three sentences after we start talking,” complained the evidently frustrated gamer who injected all conversations with something about Halo 3 in 2007.
“Fucking 12-year-olds, all they do is play whatever game is popular at the time without question. I bet none of them have even played the timeless classics, like Halo 3.” said xXxSiEerRa117XxX, who was 12 years old in 2007, and played Halo 3 after hearing all of his friends talking about it.
“I kinda feel sorry for these kids who grew up playing Fortnite to be honest, they will never know how it felt to rush home after school anxious to play Halo 3 with their friends. It’s a shame that they’ll totally never get the chance in Fortnite to form amazing memories with their friends in a common game they all can relate to, meet new people in the online community, experience the whole plethora of fan content out there, feel the joy of coming out better than every other player in the game, or the fun of devising new game strategies like I did when playing Halo 3” xXxSiEerRa117XxX concluded.
According to anonymous sources who knew them personally, xXxSiEerRa117XxX then saw a fake news article on Halo Infinite having a Battle Royale mode, which made them angrily smash their special edition Halo 3 Xbox 360 console, which had only been used once. Further investigation revealed that said console was more for showing off what a true Halo fan™ he was than for actually playing any games at all.