Halo Wars 2‘s most anticipated update yet has suffered two delays since its early-April reveal. While 343 Industries has cited a bug with the new Skitterer unit as the reason for the delays, Colony–the new Banished leader and the heart of the update itself–has taken a different stance.
In a press conference within the wreckage of the Enduring Conviction, Colony told reporters: “The update has been taking so long because every time my alarm clock goes off, a rogue Lekgolo inhabiting my form hits the snooze button.”
“Contrary to what 343 will tell you, there is no issue with my Skitterers being able to shoot across the map,” Colony continued. “That is an intended feature. The real problem is that damn snooze button and that even-more-damned Lekgolo. Who, for some woeful reason, just wants nine more minutes of sleep.”
Atriox, leader of the Banished, backed Colony’s statements to the press. Atriox tweeted: “Colony works VERY hard to keep the community informed, yet FAKE ADVERTISING 343 shoots down his obviously-not-biased propaganda. Dishonest and unfair!”
Shipmaster Let ‘Volir refused to comment, telling our reporters to “fuck off” because he was “still taking a giant shit.”
Decimus, on the other hand, could not be reached for comment, as he had been killed-off in Halo Wars 2‘s campaign before he was given any substantial character development.