Bracing itself as the 24-year-old logged onto the Waypoint Forums in a clearly annoyed state, the initially empty text field on the “Add New Topic” page of the Waypoint Forums expressed a great sense of dread about whatever Klarity_shotz was about to type into it, sources told Halo Swallower.
“Oh my stars and garters, he’s definitely mad as fuck about something – this isn’t going to end well,” stated the text field, making a very astute observation that Klarity_shotz had promptly activated the Caps-Lock functionality and changed the formatting options to “Bold” before typing away furiously.
“By the rings, the spelling and grammar is just atrocious, and his WPM is increasing, like, exponentially or something. What’s this sentence about ‘343 should reelly got they’re act togather’, and oh wow, is that a link to an imgur album?” the text field continued.
The text field reportedly became increasingly panicked as the already-incoherent piece of writing further devolved into a string of expletives punctuated by the key phrases “343”, ”Microshit”, “Halo 5” and “microtransactions”, some of which were admittedly rather creatively conceived, such as “fucknugget” and “bitchturnip”.
At press time, Klarity_shotz had just completed his forum post with the sentence “the fanboys are blind, Waypoint, but I will make them see”, a clear nod to Halo 2’s Sesa ‘Refumee, and was getting ready to title his post “3V4 LITERALLY KILLED HALO, BRING BACK BUNGIE OR BOYCOTT” when the text field finally decided that a line was being crossed and crashed the website on purpose, knowing full well that the loss of his writing would only serve to fuel the unsatisfied gamer’s rage and cause him to vent his unhappiness elsewhere, such as /r/halo or Twitter.