Of the many changes implemented to Warzone Firefight in its official release earlier this week, none seems to be more ponderous than the gradual increase in respawn time. There’s a good chance you’re already remembering that traumatic moment in which you had to wait 30 seconds and watch as your hapless teammates tried to fight Deacon Fipyap(???) with Battle Rifles as the time limit drew nearer and nearer. However, there’s always a brighter way at looking at hardships in life. Next time you’re forced to endure thirty seconds of helplessness in the final round of a Warzone Firefight match, consider trying these following ten activities.
1. Tweet about how much you hate waiting 30 seconds to respawn.
Nothing solves a problem quite like bitching about. Make sure to use excessive hashtags and emojis, and don’t forget to tag plenty 343 employees who have virtually zero influence over the development of Firefight.
2. Calculate how much time you will have left in the round when you actually respawn.
Don’t pull your phone out to use a calculater, solve it in your head. There’s nothing quite like feeling your motivation slip away when you realize you’ll only have three seconds left in the match by the time you respawn
3. Heat up your coffee.
You’ll need that caffeine to boost the sheer magnitude of your rage. Plus, you wouldn’t want to risk falling asleep the next time you have to wait to respawn, right?
4. Twiddle your thumbs.
Good luck trying to twiddle in opposite directions.
5. Ruminate over your college debt and swiftly plummet into the gaping maw of crippling depression.
Look, we know you went to college so that you could land a career putting you in a position to buy a house and raise a family, but the chances are you’re going to be in insurmountable debt until the day you die alone and unloved.
6. Clean the damn Dorito crumbs off your controller.
7. Sell your soul to Microsoft and begin the installation of Windows 10.
You think you have a fucking choice? They own you. You are their subject. Their livestock
8. Listen to the intro of the FitnessGram Pacer Test.
The FitnessGram Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that gets progressively more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in thirty seconds.
9. Contemplate life, the universe, and everything.
Why do you exist? What is your purpose? Do you have a destiny, or is the outcome of your life entirely up to your influence?
10. Lag out.
Enjoy that seven-hour matchmaking ban, bitch.