Cortana Angered After Chief Blocks Her On Facebook


It seems the Master Chief, Spartan John-117, is hitting his final straw in tolerance of Cortana’s incessant obsession over him. After Cortana led him into a trap, got him to betray the UNSC, only to seal him and Blue Team into a Cryptum, he’s clearly had enough. A public relations official from the Created has told HaloSwallower that Cortana has just learned that Chief blocked her on Facebook when she tried to search Chief’s profile for the four hundredth time that today.

“It’s just been pure outrage,” Boyarde, shipboard AI of the UNSC Shepard’s Pie, told HaloSwallower. “Yeah, Cortana was batshit crazy about Chief before, but now she’s gone over the edge. She’s even hinted at trying to use the Composer on him.”

Although the Composer is explicitly stated to not work on the Chief, HaloSwallower urges audiences to remember that the same has been explicitly said and acknowledged by 343 about the Didact—yet they explicitly acknowledged such and composed the Didact anyway to shaft him and his “extraneous” ass out of the story. Because apparently the overused AI rebellion trope is a more creative and interesting thing to have in Halo than the return of the Forerunners. Lalalalalalalalalalalala poor lalalalalala narrative lalalalalala decisions.


One response to “Cortana Angered After Chief Blocks Her On Facebook

  1. Hah! This pretty much proves how much 343 has ruined Cortana as a character when they brought her back from the “dead” and even Chief knows it now.


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