Face It, You’re Going to Suck At Halo Wars 2


It is Monday, June 13, 2016. Microsoft’s presentation at E3 is due to occur at 12pm EST today, and the Halo Wars 2 Open Beta likewise begins today. However, in regards to the latter event, there is something you must know. Something very, very important.

You’re going to suck at Halo Wars 2.

You’re going to be so outrageously bad, time will skip back eight years so that Bungie can give you Recon for how much you amused them.

It won’t just be Bungie that gets a giggle from your tumultuous ways. Dogs will laugh at you, cats will laugh at you, crocidiles will laugh at you—hell, even oatmeal raisin cookies will laugh at you!

There might be a few matches that you win. That’s OK, we understand; you will have only won those matches because your opponents felt so much pity for you that they just let you win.

It’s easy to think you might as well just stop right here and delete your Xbox Live account. Why suffer the humility? Why? Why even bother?

Well, because if you don’t at least try the Halo Wars 2 beta, you’ll surely regret it when you come to realize the game is broken and shitty at launch because you couldn’t be bothered to help report bugs. Not to mention the fact that even if you are as bad as this humble article implies, at least you’ll have a minor unfair advantage of experience over players who start at launch. There might even be a REQ Supply pack involved. After all, who couldn’t resist the temptation of earning a REQ Supply pack and beholding its stunning four items?

Either way, whether you are naturally terrible or impossibly not-bad, give the Halo Wars 2 beta a shot so that we can all live happily ever after at launch. We’ve waited long enough for this game so let’s all work together to help the talented individuals at Creative Assembly kick ass.


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