Lack of Groundhog in Hog Wild REQ Reveal Causes Outrage


343 Industries’ recent reveal of most requisitions available to be unlocked in the upcoming “Hog Wild” update for Halo Five: Gardening has surely showcased just how capable 343 is as a company to create outstanding variety in their products. However, 343 just wasn’t good enough this time around. Despite the addition of so many different Warthogs to supplement the preexisting array of so many different Warthogs to occur in “Hog Wild,” the vocal majority of Halo fans are enraged over 343’s neglect to add a Groundhog REQ into the update.

“It’s unforgivable,” community member Fared Jogle, 38, said over the MySpace social networking site. “I can’t believe 343 would be so ruthlessly ignorant. Fuck interesting advancements made between the UNSC and Swords of Sanghelios. Fuck interesting evidence to suggest the fight against the Created isn’t so one-sided. Fuck lore. Where’s my Groundhog!?”

Facing overwhelming backlash from the community, Halo 5 executive producer Josh Holmes went to the official Call of Duty forums to address concerns. In a thread titled ‘Infinite Warfare Trailer is More Disliked than EA,’ Holmes stated that “[343] is fully committed to understanding the community’s concerns . . . [and] will make sure split-screen is included in an eventual update for Halo Wars 2.”

But Holmes’s assurance was not enough. Just a few hours after Holmes posted on the Call of Duty forums, the Warden Eternal suddenly phased into 343’s headquarters in Kirkland, WA. With a loud, bombing voice, and the Halo 5 OST track “Cavalier” playing in the background, Warden proclaimed that “The Mantle of Responsibility is the task of the Groundhogs.” A long, cumbersome boss-battle ensued, but Sir Friendzone Eternal was pulled away by Cortana before he could advance the plot in any meaningful way.

Head here for the official Hog Wild REQ reveal, and make sure to destroy the enemy core.


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