NEWS: Microsoft Dissappointed Certifiaction Process Was Unable to Delay Hammer Storm to February 29

maxresdefaultHalo 5: Guardians‘s fourth monthly content update, dubbed “The Hammer Storm,” was released on Wednesday, February 24, 2016. Where many a fan was outrageously thrilled to finally get their greasy fingers on the Gravity Hammer and the M6D Pistol, a few spokesmen from Microsloth Corporation have expressed sullen disappointment over how quickly the update passed through Microsoft’s painstakingly slow certification process–and how they were unable to delay the update to February 29.

“Such a wasted opportunity,” Ted Brunner (Microsoft PR department) told HaloSwallower. “We could have made history with this update. It could have been the franchise’s first update released on a leap-year day. I mean, our fans love it when we delay their long-awaited content for as long as possible! This was Halo 5’s one chance to release a patch on the latest day of any month, and we blew it.”

This isn’t the first time Microsloth has lamented rare moments when the certification process takes less than average time. When Halo 4‘s Forge Island DLC unexpectedly released two weeks before the Castle Map Pack, former Xbox Department head Don Mattrick called it “Disturbing and disturbingly distasteful.” He continued:

“Nothing is more upsetting than knowing fans will be able to play free content before buying maps that they will never even play in matchmaking. Rawr X​D *nuzzles* :3”


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