NEWS: Exuberant Witness Reveals Grunts Are the True Reclaimers

ExuberantCensoredA recent statement from the Monitor Exuberant Witness, has thrown the UNSC, the Covenant Remnant, and Cortana’s A.I army into a state of confusion. According to the resident Monitor of Genesis herself, the intended Reclaimers of Forerunner technology were in not, in fact, humanity, but the Grunts. This error apparently came about due to a “logging error”

“Well, this is all rather embarrassing” said Exuberant when faced with a crowd of confused humans and Elites. “It appears that right before the firing of the Halo’s, the Forerunners decided that humans were much better at killing themselves and other species then running a galaxy. So they chose a much more…docile race. How fascinating!”

The news has been received poorly by UNSC personal, who had reportedly grown used to being the inheritors of all powerful technology. Spartans who had previously used Forerunner tech in the field responded to the news by, “moping around like a bunch of eggheads” according to Sarah Palmer.

“What the fuck” said the Master Chief when told about the announcement.

“It’s just a slap in the face really” said Covenant Sangheli Git Reheck’ed. “First we find out that the very enemy we’ve been destroying are the inheritors of out gods’ technology. But now we find out it’s not them at all, but the filthy Unggoy? Those cretins have trouble staying awake on the front lines, let alone using the holy relics!”

The UNSC has tentatively sent the news to the Grunt home planet of Balaho. Unsure how they will react, or if they will activate the technology in a vengeful frenzy on the galaxy over their lowly treatment, ONI has sent in an elite squad of Spartans with five NOVA nukes, “Just to keep an eye on things”

 

 

 

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