SANTA CLARA, CA—Even though 2016’s Super Bowl has past, the legacy of its commercials remains present as ever. However, the commercial breaks had harbored a grim reality: there was no trailer for Halo Wars 2.
In response to that absence, an estimated population of one hundred thousand nerds are believed to be spending the remainder of their mortal lives searching for a Halo Wars 2 trailer that is supposedly hidden somewhere within the 50th Super Bowl’s lineup of legendary commercials. These nerds plan to never return to the surface until their prize has been found, and even plan to resort to inbreeding in order to preserve their mission even long after their Xbox Live Gold Subscription to living on Earth has expired.
Despite the secrecy of their mission, one of the undernerds (who’s identity was left anonymous) has contacted HaloSwallower and told us the following:
We may never get to play Halo Wars 2 when it releases this fall, but we are never going to stop looking for that trailer. Never. I have two kids and my wife is five months pregnant, but they opted not to tread this blessed path…and they were left behind. My new family and I will find that teaser, we will find the Halos, and we will begin our Great Journey and live as gods in the Divine Beyond.
We responded with asking as to whether or not they had encountered alligators, or any other crocodilian species, present within the sewers they reside. The anonymous undernerd replied with a haunting and tragic message:
And they have found us.
Our line of communication with them has since been silent.