NEWS: Human Restaurant Chain Havadi Goodwan Introduces New Grilled Kryn’Qodon From Sanghelios

kryn'qodon

Calling it an “interesting new menu item dragged from the finest reaches of the alien Sanghelios”, the Human Restaurant Chain Havadi Goodwan introduced their latest offering on Tuesday, the Grilled Kryn’Qodon From Sanghelios.

The grilled semi-avian gliders, which were reportedly subdued by the Swords of Sanghelios after a taxing three-hour-long dogfight against Jul ‘Mdama’s Covenant Remnant in the desolate upper reaches of Sanghelios that claimed the lives of 8 brave Sangheili Warriors and destroyed 3 Sword Banshees and one Lich, have been obtained by Havadi Goodwan and will be available at franchise locations on Earth for a limited time only. (Reach was glassed, remember?)

In an official statement, Havadi Goodwan has said that “We are pleased to offer our customers a taste of the incredible fauna that lives on Sanghelios”, adding that this is part of the UEG’s effort to help Human civilians better understand the culture of the Sangheili. The Kryn’Qodon spends most of its time scavenging carrion and snatching fist-sized dust mites from crevices in the stone façade on Sanghelios, and killing them meant having to eliminate the heavy Covenant Remnant patrols and defenses in the area, which included an array of anti-air Shrike Turrets and countless numbers of Banshees and Phantoms. “Available for the hyper affordable price of cR 4.99, it comes with fries, coleslaw and a beverage that will taste so good it would make the sacrifices of those Sangheili soldiers completely worth it.”

“For added flavor, we strongly recommend ordering the 4-piece-set of Fried Orzil From Sanghelios as a side-dish,” the menu states. The Orzil beetle is part of a vibrant phylum of terrestrial insects native to the western shores of Qivro near Sunaion on Sanghelios. Despite being close to the Covenant’s final stronghold, many Swords of Sanghelios Unggoy risk their lives every day to catch dozens of these beetles to be sold to the rich and hungry Human mouths living on the prosperous planet we call Earth.

The flying beasts were reportedly flying in circles near Covenant Remnant airspace and were monitored by the Swords of Sanghelios for 20 hours before they gave the order for their best pilots to smash through the Covenant’s defences and grab the Kryn’Qodon. Sources said that the Kryn’Qodon in question were highly valuable, as their skin had a distinct texture for grilling and were easily seasoned. It was only when Fireteam Osiris, led by Spartan Jameson Locke, managed to destroy a Covenant Kraken that a sufficiently large diversion was created for the brave Swords of Sanghelios pilots to hunt the Kryn’Qodon and bring them to the tables of the wealthy families living on Earth.

According to promotional materials, the Covenant anti-air defenses shot down dozens and Sword Banshees and even a few Banshee Ultras during previous attempts to acquire the special Kryn’Qodon population, which was 1 in several thousand. At some point, a Kraken even had to be brought in as the Covenant Remnant mistook the Swords of Sanghelios fliers to be conducting some kind of bombing run against them.

The special menu item has been well-received by all human inhabitants on Earth, as well as some Sangheili ones. Some Elite with a difficult-to-pronounce name said (with the help of a translator module), “All those years my clan was on Sanghelios, and no one thought about eating the Kryn’Qodon that soared above the keep. I guess that was because we were more focused on killing each other for the position of kaidon, but it’s sad once you think about. I like the flavor and the texture, but one problem I have with it is I took three full hours to finish eating all the meat because it kept falling out of my split-jaw mouth. I get that this is due to Sangheili physiology, but I’m still hoping that something can be done to address this, we are talking about mutual understanding of culture after all.”

Gordon Ramsay the Ninth, descendant of one of the harshest food critics ever known to Man, has given a thumbs up for the Grilled Kryn’Qodon, describing it as “perfectly seasoned” and “beautifully presented”. “For a dish that involved an animal native to Sanghelios, I was expecting it to be completely burnt by plasma fire or covered in glass or bad records or something like that, but it turned out to be cooked just to my liking. Absolutely incredible,” Ramsay added.

HaloSwallower also conducted a survey with a sample size of 100 Havani Goodwan customers, and found that all 100 of them gave the dish positive remarks. In fact, it seemed to be even more well-received by the public than the video game the Kryn’Qodon appeared in, Halo 5: Guardians.

“I lost my brother and four of the best pilots I have known while trying to hunt down the flying beasts, but I’m glad that somewhere far away, a nish-, I mean Human is enjoying his or her dinner tonight,” Captain Wamik of the Swords of Sanghelios said without the help of any translator module. The Elite did not seem to show any signs of being about to cry, although we are unsure if it was because Sangheili males are not allowed to show signs of weakness, or if it was because he was holding the equivalent of cR 300,000 converted to gekz, the Covenant currency thing.

Havani Goodwan has said that should the Grilled Kryn’Qodon From Sanghelios prove to be extremely profitable, they would invest in a small fleet of UNSC ships and Calypso-class exfiltration craft in order to conduct hunting expeditions to the Forerunner planet of Genesis for the Lumenon sky rays and the crab-like Logrodites. At press time, the floor of Beta Gabriel’s oceans near the Fathom facility are currently being combed in a search for any Qothal “space whales” that can be killed and added to Havani Goodwan’s menu.

For a special 20% discount, use the discount code “HS20” at any Havani Goodwan outlet on Earth

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