Amidst the turmoil afflicting the galaxy as Cortana’s Guardians reign oppression and devastation upon numerous worlds, some outrages are still linked to cultural affairs. The crimson and ivory color pallet used by the Swords of Sanghelios, from armor to vehicles, is seen by many Christian organizations throughout the Inner and Outer Colonies as a “war on Christmas.”
It all started some time before the Reclamation began. When the Arbiter, Thel ‘Vadam, united the keeps on Sanghelios under the banner “Swords of Sanghelios,” investigators reported that he made a secret deal with Starbucks in order to strengthen the mortar holding the Swords together. This deal, although still shrouded in mystery, is allegedly a ruse to destroy Christmas. Between Santa, Frosty the Snowman, and your six year old’s Christmas pageant, the Arbiter is believed to be working with Starbucks and the color red to destroy it all.
As if the red cups of Starbucks hadn’t already caused enough pointless outrage, plenty of folks across the galaxy are equally enraged over the red coloration of Thel ‘Vadam’s organization. Mel Gibson, a humanoid colony of Lekgolo worms, has been infuriated over the appearance of the Swords with a burning passion (no, not The Passion…at least not yet).
On a broadcast of FAUX News, Gibson claimed that “Arbiter was an anti-Christain, anti-American terrorist.”
Furthermore, Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson vowed to “banish all fans of [Arbiter] from the United States” during his first term of office should he be elected as president in 2016. Like Gibson, Carson has accused the Arbiter of “desecrating traditional beliefs in God.” He also said it was “no wonder [Arbiter] allowed the Master Chief to destroy Alpha Halo.”
In light of all of this outrage, all of this drama, who will relent first: will certain sectors of the public stop overreacting to the presence of a goddamn color, or will the color red be condemned to banishment from the electromagnetic spectrum?
It cannot be known at this time.