THEORY: Could The 9 GB Patch For Halo 5: Guardians Be An Armada Of Warzone Ads?

Written by Andycu5


Like many current-gen titles, Halo 5: Guardians will be launching with a day-one update required(?) in order for the game to function. In this case, passage into Halo 5 (after the player already waited long enough for the game to install) has a 9 GB patch as its colony-destroying Guardian. Although this is but a sneeze compared to the doozy that was Halo: The Master Screen Collection‘s 20 gigabyte patch, it is still rued by many a physical copy seeking fan whom haven’t had the opportunity to download the game and then download the patch prior to launch. Alas, the stigma of struggle comes at a whim, and in due time all will be able to enjoy their copy of Halo 5: Gardeners.

However, before then, it must be determined what, exactly this patch is intended to address. Is it campaign? Is it multiplayer? Is it part of the Forge that we won’t get to play until December?

HaloSwallower has determined the answer of that puzzling question to be none of the possibilities mentioned. Instead, we have concluded that the reason fans are forced to download 9 gigabytes of digital sexiness after installing Halo 5 is so that the game can have its fair share of post-launch Warzone advertisement. Whether that’s live-action digital shorts, Claymation anime, videos by RavineCrusader (sowwy kiwi), or bloopers of Halo: Nightfall that have better stories than Nightfall itself, the day-one 9 GB patch will strive to give YOU as much in-game Warzone advertisement as possible!

Now, you’re probably doubting the credibility of this idea. “But Andycu5, you have no idea what it will be!” you’re probably saying while reading this. You’re probably whining, you’re probably already writing more words than this very article to explain why the claim isn’t true. You’re probably doing nothing of what I’m accusing you of, too.

Well, guess what? It’s called baseless speculation for a reason!

Let’s run-down the facts. Why, just why, would 343 Industries condemn players to download an itching 9 gigabytes of data for the sake of having more Warzone ads within the game? Consider the following:

  • Warzone is sexy as fuck, and that sexiness must be forced into your eyes. That means combat is to be interrupted by sequences akin to IGN’s constant, incessant 30 second ads on YouTube (all I wanted to do was just watch a trailer, IGN!).
  • With map DLC being free, Warzone’s REQ system is more or less the only way for 343 Industries to gain post-launch revenue from Halo 5. Therefore, it’s very important that players take Warzone with great heart in order to compel them to actually buy REQ packs. Again, that means having a Warzone ad conquer your screen in the middle of a cutscene.

See? Baseless speculation!


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