NEWS: Jul ‘Mdama Is Rattled By Halo 5 Spoilers

Once again, we are given undeniable proof that Jul ‘Mdama, leader of the most dangerous reformed Covenant and called the “Didact’s Hand,” is rattled by a great many things. This time, it is the presence of many a spoiler for Halo 5 that leaves ‘Mdama vehemently upset. The expanse of this unhappiness is currently unknown, but our inside sources within the Covenant report that Jul has decided to stop keeping up with the latest episodes of The Walking Flood, and no longer daydreams about seeing his waifu, Raia again. This is obviously a huge surprise. Without Tivo recordings of The Walking Flood, what will Jul do to pass time when he’s not ruminating about the Absolute Record’s ancilla rejecting him? And worse, without daydreaming about Raia, what will stop JulxHalsey (OH PRECURSORS NO) from becoming a thing?

Until more insight is gained, HaloSwallower cannot say. However, the effects of this rattling spread much farther than just Jul ‘Mdama’s state of mind.

The Covenant in control of the UNSC Argent Moon have found themselves unable to contact their supreme leader. In frustration, they’ve began speaking in Human English and ultimately defected from the Didact’s Hand. One of their commanders, a Sangheili Zealot that’s name escapes our memory, appeared on Oprah in search of the mysterious “Bees?” moniker. Said commander then commanded Unggoy suicide squads to infiltrate the studio, and effectively destroy both the audience, and Oprah Winfrey herself.

Another example is the Prometheans under Jul ‘Mdama’s control. Due to his neglection, the Prometheans have broken from the Covenant and instead sought leadership from the Warden fucking Eternal. Yes, the Warden FUCKING Eternal. This has shaken the Covenant apart, and cost Jul entire swaths of followers. Catherine Halsey, the human scientist ironically siding with Jul (and apparently, according to some rambunctious fans, his next Waifu) has made a variety of remarks towards the Covenant supreme leader. For example, Halsey has instead of referring to Jul as the “Didact’s Hand,” she called him the “Open Rebellion Hand.” Expectedly, Jul was exceedingly rattled by this as well.

As for why Jul is so rattled by spoilers. Again, with Halo 5: Guardians still unreleased, HaloSwallower cannot be certain. There is indeed knowledge suggesting why he’d be so rattled, but sharing said knowledge would be a massive spoiler. And at HaloSwallower, we don’t want to do that. Spoiling is a gigantic dick move and not only will that rattle the hell out of Jul, but you’ll even piss off the Warden Eternal.

Don’t piss of the Warden Eternal.


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