The official Twitter account for the Halo franchise has recently confirmed that the launch trailer for Halo 5: Guardians will premiere on Sunday Night Football this Sunday, September 27. However, despite the promising hue of this upcoming event (people will be less inclined to bitch about the game’s advertisement), many scientists are warning that the launch and timing of the trailer could trigger an entire zombie apocalypse.
Henry Glassman, Chief Scientist of the UNSC Infinity says that “the culmination of excessive emotional outbursts from reactions to American football” and “overwhelming anticipation slash excitement induced from Halo 5’s trailer” will “distort the wiring of the human mind.” Glassman concluded his press statement by saying “Essentially, it will turn us all into demented, gamer-eating zombies.”
And Dr. Glassman isn’t the only one. Tobias Fleming Shaw and Wallace Fujikawa (inventors of the Shaw-Fujikawa Translight Engine) both agree with Glassman’s claims. “This presents a serious danger to mankind,” Shaw and Fujikawa simultaneously said. Furthermore, Stephen Hawking, Thomas Edison, and Bill Nye the Science Guy have also given full approval of Glassman’s harrowing prophecy.
“We, as a species and as a society, are doomed,” Bill Nye told frantic reporters.
Officials from the Federal Emergency Management Administration are urging the public to “seek immediate safety” in the event that the warned zombie apocalypse comes true. The United Nations, and the Forerunner Ecumene, both endorse FEMA’s recommendations.