A new era of Methane-breathing bitchery has begun. Yes, even though it’s been on the air since fall of 2014, the the Grunt ad for Halo: The Master Chief Collection has found its way into the bitching crosshairs of Unggoy. This has caused much confusion among those unfortunate enough to observe, as the commercial is a form of flattering the Grunts, not shaming them. Worse, Unggoy have been breaking into protests and riots all across the galaxy; this has caused innumerable damage to businesses and property.
Despite the widespread unrest amongst the Unggoy population, HaloSwallower has been able to pull in a Grunt named Fapyap (we’ve had him before) for an interview on why his brethren have turned to belligerent bitching–and why they’ve waited until August 2015 to do so.
HaloSwallower: Welcome back, Fapyap. So, can you clear up some discrepancies regarding the recent bitching brigade among your species?
Fapyap: Of course. We bitch about commercial because commercial portrays we wrongly. Commercial Grunt have no foodnipple, you see?
HaloSwallower: Yes, we see. However, is running naked through streets with arms flailing actually a reasonable reaction to such a dated commercial?
Fapyap: Running naked through streets makes Unggoy noticed by Senpai.
HaloSwallower: Congratulations, you have been noticed by Senpai. Now, why wait until now to bitch about it?
Fapyap: Why else? It no have splitscreen, and splitscreen has suddenly became relevant to media!
Let us thank Fapyap for taking the time to give us a second visit, and even more so to enlighten us about the disturbing, inexcusable lack of the staple feature that is splitscreen in such an irrefutably important commercial.