THEORY: Could A New MCC Bug Actually Be Mendicant Bias?

It started when the infertile and deteriorated nutsack that is Action Sack was added into Halo: The Master Chief Collection. For the past day, players have been plagued by an unstoppabley ruthless bug that involves being unable to start a game with a party. The bug will display an error message informing them of the issue before explaining a way to fix it. Sadly, this alleged ‘solution’ that the game provides is utterly defective. Yes, it does not work (inb4 343 gets class action lawsuits for ‘misleading directions’).

The end result has been brutalized gamers being forced to painstakingly switch to Call Of Duty: Thankfully Not Ghosts, or worse…turn off their Xboxes and go outside. This is a crime beyond the horrors of humanity, this is SPARRTTTAAAAAAAA (okay not really).nBut alas, amidst the carnage that impedes the sanctity of gaming, players are left to contemplate their ravaged lives with a single, eloquently fucked-up question: Why? Not just “why?” but also “WHO DID THIS??????”

Most people would say some inattentive programmer, who had forgotten to check the party functions after adding the Action Sack playlist. However, the true answer—the undeniably certain answer—is that this bug, this midlife-crisis-inducing bug, this economic collapse triggering bug, was caused by the infamous Contender-Class AI known as 05-032 Mendicant Bias.

During the tantalizingly sexy days of the mighty Forerunners, there was technological advance that royally put its hands on the Forerunner’s thighs and verbosely shattered the walls of their anal canals. That technological advance was the creation of Mendicant Bias. Mendicant Bias was an extremely powerful AI, having both full control of the Forerunner’s defense networks and with unrivaled intellectual prowess. He could beat your straight-A honors student at Chess with barely a wobble, and would then strategically teabag your dismantled student’s confidence. Unfortunately for the Forerunners (more like Unforetunners LOL PUN), Mendicant Bias turned to the side of the Flood after a 43-year exposure to the irrefutable sexiness of the Primordial. Mendicant Bias would then wrek the minimum wages out of the Forerunners in a devastating campaign that included the destruction (more like sterilization of all sentient life in the proximity) of the Forerunner capital. It was only until some poser, Offensive Bias, defeated Mendicant during the Battle of the Maginot Sphere was he brought to justice…but by then, the Forerunners had already been forced to activate the Halo Array. Following the Battle of the Maginot Sphere, and the activation of the Halos, Mendicant would be tried by the IsoDidact and the rest of the Forerunners; he would be spared due to his “intimate knowledge of the Flood,” but would be forever buried beneath the sands of the Ark.

That leaves us to where we are now. Although Mendicant expressed acceptance of his atonement upon burial, and continued to desire atonement throughout his following interactions with other beings, we’re going to ignore his redemption arc just like how we ignored the fact that Andycu5 had to get up at 5:30am the morning after writing this. That means that if this theory is true, Mendicant had escaped from his imprisonment, and then sought to continue the Precursor’s quest of ensuring the suffering of all that are created by manifesting as an extremely rare bug in Halo: The Master Chief Collection.

And with that, goodnight.

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