NEWS: Linda-058 Arrested For Scope Theft

It looks like firearm retailers across the galaxy may finally set aside their woes; Linda-058, member of Spartan-II Blue Team and longtime scope theft, has finally been arrested by the Miami Day Police Department. Here’s police lieutenant Horatio Caine on the chase for Linda:

It wasn’t an easy journey, *puts on sunglasses* you know. Not even explaining our every move to our audience as if they were kindergarteners, nor having excessive color saturation filters in our footage, could help us catch Linda. In the end, however, it paid off. And we won’t get fooled again.

After her arrest in Miami, Florida, Linda revealed the shocking scope of her crimes. Over the entire span of her career, Linda had seized 1337 scopes from Alaskan retailers, and encorporated all of them into her armor. This resulted in severe profit losses for Alaskan businesses, especially those in the chain islands (which was devastating for the twelve people that live there). She currently faces charges and a potential for 15 years in prison. Likewise, however, the rest of Blue Team did not let their voices go unheard. Here’s Kelly-087 on Linda’s arrest:

I warned her that I was the fast one; she should have let me steal the scopes. I’m like the Halo version of Sonic. No, I exceed Sonic.

John-117 and Frederic-104 refused to elaborate on how they are coping with Linda’s arrest. Apparently, according to Dinklebot, the emotional payload is “too strong.” It’s almost as if they just can’t bear the reality that Linda was arrested by 21st century police. However, there are hushed murmurs that Blue Team is preparing for a strike to rescue Linda from custody. As of now, the Miami Day Police Department is preparing for engagement, with Horatio currently combing his fiery crown of hair and polishing his shades.

GET NOSCOPEDDDDD!!!!!

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