THEORY: The Systematic Erasure Of Doritos

There’ve been a lot of unpopular decisions regarding the development of Halo 5: Guardians. Fans have been furious over the lack of playable Elites, the complete removal splitscreen, and the most latest, the revelation that armor customization will be limited to helmet, body, and visor. However, despite the escalating rage among fans, those three faults are merely the beginning of a far darker journey—that 343 has began systematically erasing Doritos.

Why is this the case? Why could it be that even in lieu of the euphoric value that Doritos offer to the inbred population of Dew drinking, Fedora wearing gamers, 343 would really plot to systematically erase them?

The answer is simple: Halo 5 is less than four months away, but there has yet to be a Dorito commercial based off the game! Furthermore, there haven’t been any Halo sponsored Dorito products as of late, and worse…Frank O’Conner hasn’t been seen/heard crunching loudly on a voluptuous bag of Doritos since 2012. Doritos are obviously dying, and it looks like 343 is adamant on the decision. So, since there’s nothing we can do, we can only ask, what’s next? Mountain Dew? Fedoras? Blue Team?

Let us tip our Fedoras in a moment of silence #Halo5doritos

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